RADIO DRAMA – DEVELOPMENT

FINAL DRAFT

Here is an attachment of our final draft for our script. We did lots of changes, including deleting certain scenes to avoid running overtime, and changing the tone of the script to make it more of a thriller drama.

EXCIDERUNT NEW

Script Development and Read Through

A few changes were made during and after the read through we had for the script. We had to change some dialogue for the main character in order to make his character more human, and changed a fragment of the storyline in order to make sense as the storyline needed improvement and the audience found it convoluted.

During the read through, a few changes were annotated in my first draft, including more direction on the second scene, and changing Officer Smith’s tone at the first scene to make him more aggressive. Due to absence to one of our group, My contributions for the group was to write the missing part of the script, and also to put all of our scenes together and made sure it all makes sense. I rewrote my draft after the annotations I made during and after the read through.

We try to stay in contact on Facebook and used that chance to discuss the changes further, including the plot twists, Dan’s character development; how he died, and the main character’s direction throughout the story. We also had to cut back a few scenes as we found it to be too long, as we did a test run and it took just over 10 min. So we had to delete scenes like Scott meeting Cindy after he was released from prison, but still changed it that the whole story makes sense.

Here’s a few shots of our read through in lesson:

1ST SCRIPT – ANNOTATED

The attachment below is the annotated version of our first draft of the script. We had lots of improvement rewriting our second draft after annotating our first draft. including re-writing the second scene and fragments of the main story.

ANNOTATED 1ST DRAFT

Location Details

The story will set in Hackney, London and these are the several locations that will take place in several scenes:

• H.M.P Pentonville – Caledonian Rd, London N7 8TT: The prison scenes will take place here where he is released from prison and the times he had with the man who took of care of Scott in prison.
• King Edward Road – Nearest Route – A503: This will be Brock and Dan’s place where Brock’s death and the final confrontation between Scott and Dan will take place.
• Trowbridge Road – Nearest Route – A12: This will be the Dion and Jerome’s place where the shootout will take place, it’s nearest attraction is the Olympic Village at the Hackney Wick.
• Beaumont Road – Nearest Route – A124, A112: This will be Lucy’s place near Newham University Surgery where Lucy works.
• Metropolitan Police Service – Bethnal Green Police Station, 12 Victoria Park Square, City of London, London, Greater London E2 9NZ – Nearest Route – B119, A107: This will the police station in which the final scene between Smith and Scott takes place.

Character Development

For my radio drama story, Exciderunt, I improved its character development compared to the treatment I worked on, so there’s more detailed background about the characters.

Scott – will be the main protagonist for the story. Born on the 17th December 1984, he is currently unemployed as he was released from prison after he committed a crime that he believe he didn’t commit. He had a car accident 10 years before he was released from prison and caused him anterograde amnesia which means he has short term memory loss. Because of that, he believes he didn’t commit the crime that he did 10 years ago, which involved a bank heist and killing a security guard. His appearance shows him as slightly toned and rough after his times in prison, and his attributes he had before the accident includes cocky and confident. He has a very close relationship with his brother no matter how bad their situations are. He was mainly influenced by the punk movement, and worship bands like The Sex Pistols. His favourite films includes The Long Good Friday, Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Although he has the presence of having the hero archetypes, as darker secrets soon reveal, he will start becoming like an antagonist, which challenges the stereotypical idea of protagonists being heroes. We also begin to realise his convoluted feelings as his vengeance is derived not only by his accident, but the pain he didn’t feel over the years because of his short term memory loss. So he would be considered as a three dimensional character.

Dan – Scott’s brother, born on 9th July 1980. Although he won’t be introduced properly until the last act of the story, he is considered as one of the main characters as he is mainly involved with the situation that derived Scott seeking revenge. Flashbacks of the relationship between him and Scott will show how close they really are. He has similar tastes as Scott’s, which he also worships the punk movement and British crime comedy films. He is more toned than Scott, as being the bigger brother, Dan is a lot stronger physically and emotionally. Although he deals with real life situations, He does unrealistic actions, like robbing a bank and abusing Scott’s mental state.

Detective John Smith – born on 2nd November 1981, used to be uniformed officer 5 years ago, he’s now a private detective for the Criminal Investigation Department. As a uniformed officer 10 years ago, he was involved with Scott’s murder case, which he believed Scott was innocent. After Scott was proved guilty, Smith decided to become a police detective as he believed that the Police Department isn’t doing their jobs right, and being a detective helps gather more evidence to prove a man innocent or guilty. After finding out Scott’s parole and early release, he decided to finish the case, proving his innocence by investigating who framed Scott. His character is more open minded which contrasts the stereotypical police officers who only thinks about arresting criminals without considering their point of view. He always observe everything, making every little detail important. He wears a suit and is emotionally reserved (no emotion) which mainly reinforces the Hollywood stereotype of detectives being mysterious.

Results – Graphs

Out of 5 respondents  all of them are in the age of 16-20 years, 2 of them are male and 3 are female, these were the results for the radio drama survey:

These results shows that 60% of the people in the age of 16-20 years always go to the internet and 40% always watch television while they sometimes listen to radio and read newspapers and magazine which shows that the younger demographic are less interested in radio which could be something to improve for my radio drama piece.

This bar chart shows how often they listen to radio and 80% of the vote responded that they listen to radio 1-6 hours per week.

This bar chart shows what their favourite station is and 80% of the vote responded with BBC Radio 1 which is the most popular radio station in the UK, while 20% responded with Heart FM which is the one of the mainstream pop station. It shows that the young demographic only listen to radio for music or news instead of radio dramas.

This pie chart shows how many people have listened to a radio drama before and 60% of the vote which are in the age of 16-20 years said no. I wouldn’t say it’s a surprise as the younger demographic interacts with other media more like the internet and television. These were the responses when I asked if they’ve ever listened to a radio drama, and if yes what’s their favourite station, and if no, why:

One of the responses shows that the young demographic only listen to radio for music instead of radio dramas. Although one responded that their favourite radio drama is Orson Welles’ War of the Worlds so maybe the science fiction genre could interest the younger demographic.

This chart shows how many people like a certain genre and 40% of the vote chose drama and romance as one of their favourite genre while 20% chose crime/thriller, horror and mystery. I could maybe infuse two certain genres to interest the audience more.

This shows what they want to hear in a radio drama and 80% of the vote replied with music. Again, this illustrates that they only listen to music in radio. However, 60% responded that they would likely want to hear sound effects and 20% likely wants character development within the radio drama.

I also asked the respondents on how they could improve radio dramas so it would interest broader audiences and around 40% skipped the question, while 60% replied with:

“Explosions!”

It seemed to be the only thing that could interest the audience which doesn’t really make an accurate conclusion on how radio dramas can be improved.

My radio drama’s target audience are mainly 18-25 demographic and the responses for my survey are 16-20, and there wasn’t enough respondents to make an accurate conclusion which made my research slightly difficult, but I will use some of these information for my radio drama as I believe it has made me realise what would interest my target audience because it would be the opposite of what the respondents, which are the younger demographic, has responded with the survey. I will still use some information from the results, like using music and sound effects and infusing some genres to interest the target audience.